BONDING TIME
by Keridwen
Summary: 13 for mild swearing: Edea wants her children to have a little bonding time....HMMMMMMMMMMMMm
1. Are We There Yet?

Title: BONDING TIME Author: Keridwen Disclaimer: ok, my first stab at FFVIII will be a light hearted one. Square owns it, I worship it.  
  
  
  
BONDING TIME  
  
  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 1: ARE WE THERE YET?  
  
Our heroes are on a trip to Balamb town to pick up a few items for Headmaster Cid. Everyone is forced to go together by Edea who believes that her children need a little bonding time.  
  
Zell: Squall?  
  
Squall: What!  
  
Zell: I gotta go! Bad!  
  
Seifer: Shut up Zell!  
  
Zell: Frickin Hell!  
  
Squall: .  
  
Zell: Instructor? Are we lost?  
  
Quistis: If you'll remember, I am just a Seed like all of you. Please don't call me instructor.  
  
Seifer: Ok, if you want to be one with a Chicken Wuss and a puberty boy commander that's fine by me!  
  
Zell: Shut up Seifer!  
  
Irvine: (The sharpshooter faces enormous pressure.he is always alone.)  
  
Quistis: What was that Irvine?  
  
Irvine: oh, um..Nothing.  
  
Rinoa: Hey, where's Angelo?  
  
Squall: (He's probably in Balamb by now.)  
  
Zell: Hey, I still gotta go!  
  
Seifer: Look Zell, there are plenty of trees here, make use of them, and quit annoying us!  
  
Rinoa: Oh icky, Seifer don't suggest that!  
  
Seifer: I wasn't being nice or anything, I was hoping we could leave him here.for good.  
  
Zell: Hey!!!!!  
  
Everyone: Hold it Zell!  
  
Rinoa: Has anyone seen my dog!  
  
Selphie: (Singing) Waterfall! Beautiful cold clear Water! Great big oceans! Little tiny fish tanks! Splish Splash, I was taking a bath, IN WATER!  
  
Zell: AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH! (Runs off because he can't hold it anymore)  
  
Selphie: HeHeHe!  
  
Quistis: That was sort of mean, Selphie.  
  
Selphie: Well that's what he gets for eating the last hot dog last night.  
  
Rinoa: ANGELO!! WHERE ARE YOU!  
  
Seifer: Good job, loud mouth, way to wake up all the monsters.  
  
Rarugh!  
  
Selphie: TeeHee! Hey look guys a T-Rexaur!  
  
Everyone: Groan!  
  
  
  
  
  
-`-`-`-`-`-`-`--`-`-`-`--`-`-`-`-`-`-`--`-`-`-`-`-`-  
  
Squall: "Blizzaga!"  
  
Seifer: Damn, why wont it die!  
  
T-Rexaur slashes its tail knocking Squall and Seifer down. Quistis and Irvine take their places.  
  
Irvine: (casting on Quistis) Aura!  
  
Quistis: Shockwave Pulsar!  
  
The T-Rexaur just growls and slashes, knocking them back with the others.  
  
Quistis: Damn, that didn't eve phase it.  
  
Irvine: Stupid ass T-Rexaur! Take that! (unloads Pulse ammo on T-Rexaur)  
  
T-Rexaur: GRRRRRR!  
  
Selphie: (in the background) Triple!  
  
Irvine: hey, guys, I think Selphie is onto something!  
  
Selphie: Aura! Aura!  
  
Squall: Ok, let's unload on him!  
  
Quistis: Shockwave Pulsar!  
  
Irvine: Pulse Ammo!  
  
Zell (who has made it back just in time): My Final Heaven!  
  
Squall: Lion Heart!  
  
Energy sears through the woods, knocking down trees and bathing the area in an odd glowing light.  
  
The T-Rexaur stumbles, sways, moans, and then gets up for another attack.  
  
Zell: No frickin way! That attack would have even made Ultimecia think twice about getting up!  
  
Squall: What about Rinoa!  
  
Rinoa: Um, excuse me! No DOG!  
  
Squall: oh right!  
  
Selphie is preparing to attack, there is a red glow pulsating though out her body.  
  
Irvine: Whoa Seffie! What ya doing!  
  
She only concentrates further.  
  
Seifer: Um, I think I am going to back up a bit.  
  
Everyone moves back a step; they had never seen Selphie do this attack before. One has to be cautious around others who are learning attacks for the first time.  
  
Selphie: THE END!  
  
Seifer: What kind of dumb attack is that!  
  
T-Rexaur: ?  
  
T-Rexaur is led into a field and put to sleep. Group stands, mouths hanging open in awe!  
  
  
  
Zell: Ok, I'm impressed.  
  
Selphie: You were saying, Seifer?  
  
Angelo: ruff  
  
Rinoa: O there you are you stupid dog. Come here!  
  
Squall: Is everyone ready to go now?  
  
Seifer: I was born ready!  
  
Selphie: -mumble mumble-  
  
Seifer: What was that!  
  
Selphie: Oh, nothing!  
  
Seifer: Watch it pixie!  
  
Irvine: Back off Almasy! (pump of a shotgun is herd)  
  
Quistis: That's not called for Irvine! (Crack of a whip)  
  
Squall: CUT IT OUT!  
  
All stare a Squall in surprise. This is the loudest anyone has ever heard him speak, on the rare occasions that he does speak at all. Rinoa giggles. Selphie snaps a picture.  
  
Zell: Wow, Squall, I never knew you had it in you!  
  
Rinoa: I did!  
  
Squall: Rin! Be quiet!  
  
Quistis: Uho! Do you to have to have that little talk with Matron again?  
  
Squall: Hey, um, Balamb? Has anyone forgotten why we are torturing ourselves in the first place?  
  
  
  
And so our brave heroes continue on into the sunset. What does the 'wild' nightlife of Balamb hold in store for them! Will they survive!  
  
Tune in next week, same Fantasy time, same screwed up story! 


	2. Balamb Town Goes Falling Down

Title: Bonding Time  
  
  
  
Author: Keridwen  
  
Dis: K sorry for the wait. I think I went insane, but I will wait for the official medical report. Anyhoo here we go.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
BALAMB TOWN  
  
  
  
Squall: Ok, Zell, we made it.  
  
Zell: But I don't have to go anymore.  
  
Group: GRRRRRRR...  
  
Zell: (meekly) Ok, I'll go.  
  
  
  
Zell runs off to find a rest room to hide in. Quistis is drawn to the strip mall like a magnet. Selphie finds an ice cream/candy shop. The others surmise that they wont see her again for at least an hour.  
  
  
  
Rinoa: Oh, what a lovely town.  
  
Seifer: Damn it stinks.  
  
Rajin runs by with an armload of fish. He is being chased by every single dog in Balamb.  
  
Seifer: Ok, that explains it.  
  
Fujin: SEIFER!  
  
Seifer: Oh, hey, Fu. What have you been up too?  
  
Fujin: GET JOB. MUTILATE MONSTERS.  
  
Seifer: Ohho! So you did get that job as games keeper for the Balamb Poochie Heaven Dog Academy.  
  
Fujin: AFFERMATIVE. DESTROY MONSTERS THAT GET IN TO EAT DOGS.  
  
Sefier: And what about Raj?  
  
Fujin: DOG WALKER.  
  
Squall: That explains many things.  
  
  
  
All of a sudden the Mexican Cantina across the street erupts into a riot. People are being thrown out of windows and stuff.  
  
  
  
People: Help! Help! Ruby Dragon in the Margarita Bar!  
  
  
  
Rinoa: Well, Squall. What are you waiting for?  
  
Squall: ZZZZZZZZZ!  
  
Rinoa: Squall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Squall. Wha..my name is Leon...ummm was I sleeping?  
  
Rinoa: Aren't you going to save them?  
  
Squall: No, Zell and Irvine have it under control.  
  
  
  
Zell is running hyperly around the dragon, punching and kicking it in various places. Irvine is leaning against the bar with an abandoned margarita in one hand and two bar girls under his arms.  
  
  
  
Irvine: Way to get em Zell!  
  
Selphie: IRVINE!!  
  
  
  
She runs in with an enormous lollypop and see the girls with her Irvy. The Bar girls don't make it very far. With one smack from the lollypop warrior they are sent into high orbit.  
  
  
  
Bar Girls: AAAAYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!  
  
Irvine: Hey..  
  
Selphie: Don't start, unless you want to meet Mr. Lolly too.  
  
Irvine: (gulp)  
  
  
  
(Cricket chirps)  
  
  
  
Squall: Ok, what about the dragon.  
  
Zell: Yum!  
  
  
  
Zell has killed the Dragon and found a big enough spit to turn it over the now lighted pile of rubble that was the Cantina. There is a Mexican band behind him playing sweet music.  
  
  
  
Selphie: Yeah, a campfire!  
  
  
  
Zell and Selphie start singing row row row your boat. Seifer walks off to find Rajin and the dog parade. Quistis comes back with a new outfit. Formfitting jeans, and a peasant top. Her hair is down. All stare.  
  
  
  
Squall: WOW!  
  
Rinoa: HEY.  
  
Squall: come on Rinny. I mean, just look at her.  
  
Angel Wings start growing out of Rinoa's back. She has a fierce look on her face.  
  
Squall: Um, ok, put those away Rinny. I have only eyes for you and you know it.  
  
Zell: man, he's whipped.  
  
Selphie: ya, I would never subjugate my Irvy like that.  
  
Irvine: Wow, look at Quistis..  
  
  
  
Irvine is smacked on the head by Mr. Lolly and tiny happy Chocobos start flitting around his head.  
  
  
  
Irvine: OHHHHH look at the pretty chocobos mommy, I want a chocobo..  
  
Selphie: What did I tell you Irvy.  
  
Zell: HeHe  
  
Quistis: So, What happened while I was gone.  
  
  
  
Looks around. Sees the smoking Ruby Dragon. The wreaked Cantina, Irvine laying on the ground, Rinoa with Wings, Selphie with BIG lollypop, two bar girls slowly falling back to earth to land in the ocean, and Seifer being chased by a pack of dogs. He has fish tied to his coat, and Rajin and Fujin are laughing form an ally.  
  
  
  
Quistis: Um, never mind.  
  
Seifer: Save me Quistis!  
  
Quistis: (sigh) Men!  
  
  
  
TBC 


	3. Seasick

Title: Bonding Time  
  
Author: Keridwen  
  
Disclaimer: Wow, Folks, we have had many requests for Squinoas Quifers Selvins. man you people need to date more! I will try to add more of a relationship aspect to this, but I can't guarantee it won't be twisted- Mwahahahahha! (cough) (wheeze) (ack)  
  
Ok, .whatever. Back to the show  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 3 - SEASICK  
  
  
  
We left out daring heroes in quite a predicament. Seifer is being chased by hungry dogs. Irvine is still out cold thanks to Mr. Lolly, and Zell is stuffing his face. As always, well at least in this fic, it is up to the women.  
  
Seifer: Quistis! Save MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
  
  
Quistis: Didn't you notice my new outfit Seifer? How rude.  
  
  
  
Seifer climbs up a tree down by the beach and is hanging over the water. The dogs are jumping and biting any part of him that they can reach.  
  
  
  
Seifer: It is very (ouch!) nice (damn Dog!) Quisty...  
  
  
  
Quistis: AAAAAAAAnnnnnnnnd!  
  
  
  
Seifer: And you look very hot.  
  
  
  
Quistis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!  
  
  
  
Seifer: And I would love to take you to the next Balamb Ball! Ouch! Quisty, I'm gonna fall!  
  
  
  
Quistis: Magic: Aero!  
  
  
  
The high wind blows Seifer and the dogs into the ocean.  
  
  
  
Seifer: Ack! Quistis, I can't swim.  
  
  
  
Quistis: Yes you can Seifer, I have seen you.  
  
  
  
Seifer: Not without my floaters! (gurgle)  
  
  
  
Quistis: (Sigh) hang on dumbass.  
  
  
  
  
  
Quistis kicks off her shoes and dives in. Squall notices all the splashing and takes it as an opportunity to get away from Rinoa's piercing glare. He walks to the edge of the cliff.  
  
  
  
Squall: Quistis! No, she's drowning. I'll save you Quistis.  
  
  
  
(Jumps in)  
  
  
  
Rinoa: Squall! Noooooooo. I'm sorry. Don't commit suicide, please. I love you my dark and manic-depressive knight.  
  
(Jumps in)  
  
  
  
Irvine: (Still a little dazed) No, chocobo! I need you my love!  
  
  
  
(Jumps in)  
  
  
  
Selphie: Irvine, what did I tell you about moving. You'll hurt yourself if you try to do anything heroic. (Sighs) Irvine, come back here this instant. (Sees Irving caught on tree branch. He is being dragged out to sea.) Damnit man get back here.  
  
  
  
(Jumps in)  
  
  
  
Zell: Where did everybody go? Oh well..  
  
(Continues to eat the Ruby dragon)  
  
Zell: Mmmmmm, This is really really good stuff.  
  
  
  
An ember from the fire jumps out and sets Zell's really baggy pants on fire. He doesn't notice for a few seconds.  
  
  
  
Zell: mmmmmm (drool) more Ruby Dragon is cookin I can smell it!  
  
(Looks down)  
  
  
  
Zell: SSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT!  
  
  
  
  
  
(Jumps into the ocean)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Now this is a tale of a floating log.  
  
Carrying a mercenary or two  
  
What they didn't know that this trip would be  
  
Longer than a two hour tour.  
  
A two-hour tour.  
  
There was the gunblade specialists.  
  
And their girls..  
  
A sniper  
  
And his plague  
  
A tasty smelling martial artist  
  
And three dozen dogs paddling behind  
  
All on out on the open sea!  
  
  
  
  
  
Irvine: Where are we?  
  
  
  
Selphie: Don't ask!  
  
  
  
Seifer: Quistis, you aren't going to hold me to any of that crap I said back on land.  
  
  
  
(Smack) Seifer is attacked with a shoe.  
  
  
  
Seifer: Ok, that answers that question. Squall, I am going to love to see how you manage to get everyone out of this situation.  
  
Squall: (Why do I always have to lead. I want to stay in my bubble. Yes, bubble boy that was who I wanted to be. I saw the movie like thirty two million times, and then I asked Edea if I could have a bubble and she said no so I said that I was going to burn down the orphanage if she didn't give me my bubble because I said I needed the bubble, And I was going to burn down the orphanage and I would not even care because I was going to be all right on my own and sis said that I couldn't have the bubble either, so I said that if I didn't get my own bubble I would BURN down the orphanage, and she laughed at me. The all laughed at me and they moved my bed down to the basement and they said that if I was going to burn down the orphanage I might as well take care of the rats down there, but I said no, because I wanted my own bubble, and then they stopped giving me food, and I was only allowed to go to the bathroom in the woods, but I said that that was ok as long as they gave me my bubble because I was going to BURN, and I wanted my own bubble and I think I should have the bubble because I am going to..)  
  
  
  
Rinoa: Squall, We can't hear your thoughts. We want to help you and you are going to have to speak to us. Trust us we are your friends.  
  
Squall: .... BURN DOWN THE ORPHANAGE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zell: No more fire.Please (cough)  
  
Seifer: How is that going to help us, O fearless pyromaniac leader!  
  
Squall: Shut up Seifer.  
  
Seifer: Make me.  
  
Gunblades are drawn)  
  
Seifer: GRRRR  
  
Squall: GRRRRR times two!  
  
The charge each other across the log stepping on everybody's fingers. The raise their weapons and............  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok, so I lost it right there. Gilligans Island theme not mine. Appreciate suggestions. My insanity is low and I need to feed off the supply of others.  
  
HeHeHeHeHe 


End file.
